& then I realized I never left. in all my inner calamity, it was I who stood still amongst a scared lot of runners & cowards. “how could I?” was the oft whispered diatribe of my own ghoul. it was meant to be a sanctuary but loneliness creates havoc.
but it doesn’t matter now, does it? the flight of the bumblebees, as it were. they truly have been buzzing for a century while I alone recognized the vanity. my prize was dust but it was a hard-earned dust. the type that might have collected, kissing the lips of his urn, if that’s the route his parents had decided to go. I can’t recall.
what does matter is my breath, the life & light I experienced in a single wink of the eye. this cold galaxy.. somehow it warmed me up (?) “how” is what I wondered as well, but I’ve learned to ask less questions of the Lord my savior & to indeed refrain from too much of talk of them to begin with. dulls the meaning, makes it nonsensical (shh)
I wish you well, old friend. from this vantage point, I can hardly imagine the turmoil of that sad kernel of Earth. I’d have guessed quite the opposite not so many moons ago as I sat strapped back, head banging for escape. but, ultimately, this is better. if there’s to be Hell, give me a front row seat, free of false promise & imaginary friends.
~Grandmaster Hex